I may stop smoking sometime soon. You may ask what's so special about it, well it's is a bit weird because it's not something i decided to do, it's just happening all by itself.

I've been smoking for the last 24 years or maybe 25, never wanted or had motives to quit. Especially not when my parents and later my ex-husband nagged me to stop. Also i didn't start smoking because of peer pressure or other reason - just started, on my own, and kept smoking on my own, nothing to do with social stuff. I didn't have the urge to smoke after meals or after sex, but i felt the need to surround myself with smoke screen when i was alone.

For many years I treated my whole body quite badly, i must admit. Too much food, too much alcohol, too much nicotine, sometimes pot... Now i think my system was screaming abuse, but i didn't listen. At some point in time it changed and i started listening. I lost a lot of weight, stopped eating meat, later stopped drinking any hard liquor. Except for the very beginnig, i made no effort to do this, just followed my needs and wants and these steered towards yoghurt instead of whiskey. How weird is that?

And now this - my body seems to be rejecting nicotine. I'm experimenting with the last packet of cigarettes and get nothing but headache and bad aftertaste. Ack, i used to like it, it was part of me, part of my life. I remember myself in the most important or dramatic moments lighting up, or wanting to light up.

Now what? How dramatic is it to reach for a cookie or gum in a moment of tension? Ridiculous...

Oh well, if this is the way so it shall be.

Moral of the story - listen to your body, it may do you some good. Eventually.

Just for the record, these were just dreams, but who knows...

1. I'm in a southern looking town (feeling it's in Mexico, but other than that - no indication), i'm on the hill overlooking the city and hear an airplane coming, than i see it, passing in front of me over the city from left to right, the engine is on fire and there's thick black smoke. Eventually the airliner dives and explodes when it hits the houses below. The plane was silver-blueish and i could even see part of the airline name painted in dark blue - something NORTH.
No idea where this came from.

2. I'm in a pool, swimming. The pool is small and not very deep so it's all effortless - i can reach the other end in 2 strokes. I know there's a bigger, deeper, more serious pool but i keep swimming in circles in the small one, feeling kind of trapped, but there's nothing real stopping me from moving to the other pool, still i just keep swimming in circles...
(The configuration of small-big pool resembles the one at the club near my parents home when i was 10-14, the situation kinda resembles a few things in my life...).