It's been a year...

Yeah, it's been a year, and except for a couple anachronisms nothing bloody changed.
Why bother to even write a new post? Why bother indeed...


Monday, October 11, 2004

Lonely weekend ramblings for no reason

I’m not sure I want to share, maybe I don’t really WANT to but what else can I do?
I just spent entire weekend completely alone and the only people I talked to face to face were cashiers, waiters and the like. Does it count as conversation? Not really, no…
Basically, this is not new and it’s not entirely bad. I hate crowds and I made my choices, but sometimes it bugs me, sometimes I feel like sharing and have literally no one to turn to.
OK, I chose to live in this god forsaken country where everyone has family, everyone has friends, everyone had acquaintances and nobody cares for strangers. I recently chose to date a freshly divorced man, but you know – civilized people who have kids are never entirely divorced, moreover he’s more like “I’m not in love it’s just a phase that I’m going through” if you know what I mean. Not much to build on, huh?
So everyone has their priorities and list of who’re the VIP in their life and I’m on nobody’s list, except for my parents I guess. I watched “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” on TV, and heck it’s really a question of priorities, either we are important for someone or we are not, and than there’s the question of being more or less important and the question how many people or things are rated above us in somebody’s life.
Since I am a lonely idiot and I don’t really own anything in this world and don’t do anything important, I have too much high quality space available on my priority list. As a result I care too much, get too attached, and get hurt about every time I’m involved with someone.
Well, I’m not perfect, I’m not young, I’m second hand goods divorced and been around, but I’m not dead yet… and mhmm… yea… I could be and do a lot of things for someone, as long as I’m given a cosy spot on their priority ladder, is that too much to ask?