Tainted goods

Taking solemn vows of marriage is an act of hope. Hope that love and friendship shared by two people will last long and with time turn stronger, till they truly become one. Because we do not seek out other half ready made to suit who we are, but we embark on a journey together as two different people in hope that we will, one day, be one.
We hope that in years to come, when we are no longer young, pretty, slim or healthy,that man we chose to share our life with will still be there as our lover, our friend, our ... other half. It shows later in life if we are successful - my parents after 43 years of marriage can hardly exist anymore as separate entities. That's why widow and widower have such tragic if not sinister ring, that's why in so many cases when one person of such couple dies, the other follows shortly.

The biggest leap of hope is the first marriage. Everything that happens after that is soemhow tainted by failure, experience, cynicism, you name it.
We give ourselves away completely and unconditionally only once and if we fail or the chosen one fails us - it will never be the same again.
That's the greatest change of modern times - we choose our partners for love and only make vows if we have hope, but the adjusting process is still the same, now parting from romantic love while in centuries past it parted from imposed family choice.
Probably that's why our expectations are greater. Being married to a decent pater familias or to a good wife and mother is no longer enough. Are our expectations too high? Are our efforts too little? Whichever is true the divorce rate is close to 50% in societies where being divorced is no longer a social stigma.
Or is it a stigma, but the hidden PC code doesn't allow anyone to say it? A divorcee is a looser, one way or another. Either they chose poorly, expected too much, were not up to some standard, didn't work hard enough or all of the above. Even a sacrified faithful mother of three abandoned by her whoring husband is guilty of poor judgment at least.
Every divorced person is second-hand merchandise, used goods, tainted, imperfect - generally not a proper candidate for giant leaps of hope. Even if nobody dares to say this aloud. With all its modernity the liberal society still regards the failure to choose and keep a mate as one of the life's greatest shames.

Hi, my name is Karyatis, I'm divorced, I'm not perfect, but hell I'm good!

Lonely weekend ramblings for no reason

I’m not sure I want to share, maybe I don’t really WANT to but what else can I do?
I just spent entire weekend completely alone and the only people I talked to face to face were cashiers, waiters and the like. Does it count as conversation? Not really, no…
Basically, this is not new and it’s not entirely bad. I hate crowds and I made my choices, but sometimes it bugs me, sometimes I feel like sharing and have literally no one to turn to.
OK, I chose to live in this god forsaken country where everyone has family, everyone has friends, everyone had acquaintances and nobody cares for strangers. I recently chose to date a freshly divorced man, but you know – civilized people who have kids are never entirely divorced, moreover he’s more like “I’m not in love it’s just a phase that I’m going through” if you know what I mean. Not much to build on, huh?
So everyone has their priorities and list of who’re the VIP in their life and I’m on nobody’s list, except for my parents I guess. I watched “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” on TV, and heck it’s really a question of priorities, either we are important for someone or we are not, and than there’s the question of being more or less important and the question how many people or things are rated above us in somebody’s life.
Since I am a lonely idiot and I don’t really own anything in this world and don’t do anything important, I have too much high quality space available on my priority list. As a result I care too much, get too attached, and get hurt about every time I’m involved with someone.
Well, I’m not perfect, I’m not young, I’m second hand goods divorced and been around, but I’m not dead yet… and mhmm… yea… I could be and do a lot of things for someone, as long as I’m given a cosy spot on their priority ladder, is that too much to ask?