I may stop smoking sometime soon. You may ask what's so special about it, well it's is a bit weird because it's not something i decided to do, it's just happening all by itself.

I've been smoking for the last 24 years or maybe 25, never wanted or had motives to quit. Especially not when my parents and later my ex-husband nagged me to stop. Also i didn't start smoking because of peer pressure or other reason - just started, on my own, and kept smoking on my own, nothing to do with social stuff. I didn't have the urge to smoke after meals or after sex, but i felt the need to surround myself with smoke screen when i was alone.

For many years I treated my whole body quite badly, i must admit. Too much food, too much alcohol, too much nicotine, sometimes pot... Now i think my system was screaming abuse, but i didn't listen. At some point in time it changed and i started listening. I lost a lot of weight, stopped eating meat, later stopped drinking any hard liquor. Except for the very beginnig, i made no effort to do this, just followed my needs and wants and these steered towards yoghurt instead of whiskey. How weird is that?

And now this - my body seems to be rejecting nicotine. I'm experimenting with the last packet of cigarettes and get nothing but headache and bad aftertaste. Ack, i used to like it, it was part of me, part of my life. I remember myself in the most important or dramatic moments lighting up, or wanting to light up.

Now what? How dramatic is it to reach for a cookie or gum in a moment of tension? Ridiculous...

Oh well, if this is the way so it shall be.

Moral of the story - listen to your body, it may do you some good. Eventually.